(Continued from #DancerDiaries: RECOGNITION…)
19th February 2018
Jealousy is a ruthless snake.
It slithers down and constricts your throat; hisses menacing untruths in your ear. If you let it grow, it will swallow you up completely.
I do not know how to get rid of this unforgiving creature inside of me.
When our dance mentor praised my best friend today, I clapped and cheered for her on the outside. I played the role of a perfect friend. On the inside, I fought back the urge to claw at my eyes and tear my hair out in sheer frustration.
Why not me?
Why every else BUT me?
These questions plague my nightmares and stain my once-white ambition of becoming a dancer.
It’s hard to accept that maybe I’m simply good enough, so I’m going to keep pushing myself to outshine the rest of the people I dance with.
Don’t believe what other people say.
Dancing for one another? Bullshit.
It’s an open secret that every dancer – regardless of genre – craves to stand out from the vapid crowd and be recognised; to be deemed worthy of adulation.
And I will make sure that the next time I go en pointe, nobody will be able to look at anybody else but me.
Jealousy might be a snake, but I think it’s up to the person how they command it.
I refuse to let it come between me and the bridges I have, so instead, I will treat it like the fuel that spurs me to keep going for what I want.
I will not yield.
(To be continued…)